Waxing*Poetic

My Comeback (sort of... )

2006-09-06T00:25:00.000+08:00

I desperately need to write! Unfortunately I'm having my hands bound, voice gagged and mind numbed by this insidious creature called the Writer's Block. And yes, I've been plagued by it for months on end now, which kinda explains my absence. Ha. Feeble attempt at concealing Procrastination eh... Still, lately I've been feeling sudden surges of literary madness, which can come and go as fast as you can enunciate 'biennale'. Wait a minute, you mean that word is beyond you? Say 'bee-air-nah-lay'. There, it wasn't as difficult right? Anyway, the point I'm making here is that the urge to write lingers just long enough to get the ends of your fingers tingling for the keyboard, but just as you think you have that burning idea encased in concrete, it breaks apart and you're left with bits and pieces of powdery nothingness. Oh well.

_________________________________________________________

You bade me run and I took heed,
But didn't I fall and badly bleed?
You conjured castles in the air,
But soon enough they all laid bare.
You banished Hope and Eternity,
Thus I wept for all humanity.
Now your shadow lingers in my consciousness,
But I'm breaking the bonds of your madness
With Dignity.

drown ( P ) Pronunciation Key (droun)

2005-09-24T13:08:00.000+08:00

Sorrow drips into your heart through a pinhole
Just like a faucet that leaks and there is comfort in the sound
But while you debate half empty or half full
It slowly rises, your love is gonna drown
Death Cab For Cutie-
Marching Bands of Manhattan

There's a ticking at the sill
There's a purr of a pigeon to break the still of day
As on we go drowning
Down we go away
The Decemberists-
Of Angels and Angles

And I could write it down
Or spread it all around
Get lost and then get found
Or swallowed in the sea
Coldplay-
Swallowed In the Sea

You drown in deeper oceans
Inventing new religions
They smile and stab my back and
I lie and have to laugh
Goo Goo Dolls-
All Eyes On Me

I can't swim but my soul won't drown
Oasis-
The Hindu Times

Insomniac

2005-09-12T11:01:00.000+08:00

In the dead silence of night,
Where the Moon,
Strickened with a deadly pining for the Sun
Moved into the clouds and out of sight;
Where the stars,
Filled with remorse over this Moon-less blight
knew they'll never be able to shine just as bright;
Where an insomniac,
Jaded by his sleepless plight
mourned the passing of daylight;
I obliterated the boundary between wrong and right.
For whither was I headed for,
If not the vast runway from which I'll take flight?

______________________________________________________

Haven't composed in eons. It's the prelims, it simply siphons off all inspiration!
This was written (typed into my phone and saved actually, 'cos I was just too lazy to reach for pen and paper) in the dead of the night, yes, but refined in the morning haha. See what sleeplessness does to you... funny thoughts run amok, so you've gotta let it all out. =P

Anyway this poetry website was featured in the papers some weeks back.
What really caught my eye were the poems here. Young, local aspiring poets, no less. Splendid works they are!

Mine are very much put to shame, but oh well.
Happy reading. =)

Disenchantment

2005-07-11T16:50:00.000+08:00

The thunderous voice rings deafening,
From up above the splintered skies.
Now the anxious rain falls, hurrying
To fill the void, within me lies.
'Now look what you've done',
Was the booming rebuke.
Away from it I tried to run,
But the angered Heavens took
From me,
My lightweight steps,
And dignity.
Now a chasm in the ground gaps,
Beckoning my flurried self,
To seek solace in its darkened depth.
Futher and further I had delved,
Till I'd spent the last of my breath.
Withered and wrought of only bones,
It is in the cold I lay,
Fleeting between twilight zones,
Hidden from the garish light of day...

Lalalaaaa

2005-06-19T12:05:00.000+08:00

Yay! I've finally found a chinese webbie that's able to stream songs through WMP. And I've always thought it's impossible to have chinese songs playing on moi blog! That's the case no more!! Yipeeeee! HahahZ.
My very first chinese song here: 阿桑 - '保管'
Have been a fan of her ever since she sang the heart-wrenching '叶子'. With vocals perennially drenched in melancholy, her songs definitely make for good listening on a long, quiet night. Fell in lurve with '保管' the first time I heard it too! HahaZ. =)
___________________________________________________________

I'm setting sail
To traverse the sea.
But it's of no avail
Without the wind's plea...

To Believe Again

2005-06-12T00:07:00.000+08:00

You snubbed the earnest
And scorned the heartfelt,
Then fell head-first
Into the furnace that melts
All that you stood for-
And your cynical self.
You speak of your choice
Which you adamantly hold on to.
But hadn't that familiar, trusting voice
Eroded the stubbornness that's in you?
Now would you dare stand tall
And look Love in the face,
To say that you do not abhor
Its passionate grace?
For now comes the time
When you can ignore the pain
To heed all the signs,
And believe in Love again.
________________________________________________________

Ok. So lotsa people lose confidence or become cynical about Love maybe after some hurtful setback, or having some other twisted conviction that it only brings about a vicious cycle of nothingness, and that, in a nutshell, it is to be avoided at all costs. Well. I'm not here to preach or anything, but isn't it a pity to erect this wall between yourself and the green pastures yonder that's abundant with blossoming Love? This goes out to all who've once loved and lost, and may you find true Love again! =)
(Mmm I know I sound like a retard in this post, but the above poem was inspired by another retard's account anyway. Haha)

Post- Camp Musings

2005-06-11T14:17:00.000+08:00

If you're looking for a narrative post chronicling the SACO camp down to the minutest detail, look elsewhere. Haha.

So everything's finally come full circle. T'was just a year ago ( somehow it seems like eons before) that I attended my first CO camp, and thoroughly enjoyed it. In retrospect, being in CO and serving in the comm was a wild and bumpy ride; ups, downs, loops, vortices, trials and tribulations and whatever else that constitutes being on high at one moment and then getting thrown into the deepest chasm ever (wow try saying that in one breath hahaZ). More often that not I'd wished I was made of sterner stuff; that the scales weren't tipped too precariously so much so that all hell'd ensue; that it wouldn't be so hard to believe in my very own convictions; that I wasn't so easily swayed... etc etc. A plethora of thoughts, and did they do any good in shaping who I am now? Maybe they did, maybe not. Life truly isn't a bed of roses. (DUH!) All I'm sure of is that I'm relieved to finally pass this on to the next batch of J1s. Let them live the legacy... well if there's a legacy to speak of in the first place! (I'd very much like to believe there is one though =) )

To all my section mates (I'll bet only Kel reads this in the end! Haha), I'll concede that a great leader I don't make. But hey, judging from the multitude of monikers (eg the infamous 'slacker leader') coined by you guys, none of you'd have doubted that! Sorry for not being able to quell that seething anger inside you guys everytime um, our skills were put under scruntiny and came under fire. Is this a fair world? Definitely not. But I've learnt to live with it, a long time ago. Maybe I'm one for peace and quiet... I don't wanna blow things up, get what I mean? It's alright to feel angry... but then where should our anger be directed at in the first place? Wouldn't it be meaningless if a constant 'battle' was waged, with the idea of enmity at the back of our minds? As we've learnt in GP, there can never be just wars, let alone a war which will bring about zero casualties. So now, heed your GP tutor's advice, and proceed with your nuclear disarmament! Peace is all in the mind. ;)

On a lighter note! I've enjoyed each and every one of your company. Very much. If it weren't for you guys, I'd not have known the true meaning of unity, or gotten that member of the month title. Wahahaha. But of course, it's the former I treasure the most, among everything else. Thank you all of ya for sustaining me through practices, for giving me 'face', and for your abundant gossips! Hahaha. I think looking after you guys (if you guys think I've ever done my part at all, that is) was a fulfilling experience. 'Cos according to me, you all are the best section mates an SL could have (and yes the last time I said this, it almost evoked tears on Mel's part! Haha).

Hey wait... it ain't even farewell yet. Which means I have to save some space for later right. Right. Ok. In conclusion, I'll say that I like the new J1 comm, and I can't wait to see them perform their respective duties. I'm sure everyone of them are capable of carrying out whatever they've been entrusted with. All the way! =)

(footnote: if I should sound incoherent to you in any way, look at my blog addie again. See the G word? HahaZ)

Your Game

2005-06-03T11:29:00.000+08:00

A mass of checkered black and white;
I'm sprawling in the battlefield of your mind.
You finger me and I fight boredom in your stead;
You pick and drop me at your will,
But I cannot fathom your strategy still.
Thus I lie in hopeful wait,
Anticipating how you'd manipulate
The roaring emptiness that is me.
Yes please, do set me free
For I am but a lifeless pawn
In the greater scheme of your Game.
___________________________________________________

I can't believe how rampant piracy is; Coldplay's X & Y is up for downloading daaaaaays before its official release date. No wonder record companies are crying out bloody blue murder. (Ok I'm guilty of infringing copyright laws too. But I'll eventually get the album. =P)
Read RollingStone's review here

Chocolate

2005-05-14T21:43:00.000+08:00

I've been pigging out on chocs of late, and then today my parents and I stopped by Coffee Bean and got ourselves a Brownie. The kind that's been warmed and is so rich it simply melts into chocolatey goodness in your mouth. If there's something you can never tire of, it's chocolate. =)

A tenderness I can feel
Enveloping my senses,
Rendering me thus speechless;
Caught up in the silky charm
Of dark, saccharine dreams,
Of cloyingly endearing affairs;
For It lends a piece of Heaven to the taste,
And salves the ever wearied heart.

Grey

2005-04-16T00:18:00.000+08:00

There you are; your stark silhouette
imprinted in my mind, embossed in
The pure innocence of White,
And outlined in the true enigma of Black.
Yet you were stored away into the recesses
Of my befuddled mind, because
I could not fathom how the cogs of
Your daily grind functioned.
But forgotten you're not,
And wisdom I have somehow sought;
For aren't our minds illusions of their own,
And apathy the seeds that we've sown?
Yes I do see now;
Where once there lay
Your distinct White and Black,
All have become Grey.

Angsty stuff

2005-04-12T15:39:00.000+08:00

As I sit here munching on potato chips with my healthy-eating resolve gone down the drain, (yes I did plan to have only nutritious food this week, but what the heck. I can't do it!!) I'm also attempting to dust away the cobwebs obliterating my blog. Yeeees I've not blogged for eons. Come to think of it, I've not been online for eons squared. Sometimes it's just curious how you just suddenly lose interest in something which meant so much to you in the past. Like, poof, it became nothingness (not coco-crunch). That hollow in the pits of your stomach where something used to fill it (other than food). That thing you think you've forgotten, but how could you have forgotten if you haven't forgotten to remember? Somewhere along those lines. Haha you'll ask which line. And I'll say I dunno too, because I'm having a hard time figuuring myself out. HaiZ.

Gah. Why is it that the more you yearn for something the further it is from your grasp. Or why does willing hard for something not to happen yields the opposite effect. Sometimes all you need is that sturdy pillar you know will always be there for you to lean on, but what happens when it falls? Suddenly you'll have this sinking realisation that things have changed, that nothing's gonna be the same anymore.

Then there's the matter of feeling helpless in the face of unwanted advances. Why can't things remain the same? The status quo was fine with me, but the crossing of that fine line between change and the past was not. I really wonder. If letting go is the cause of your troubles, then why choose to get entangled in this mess in the first place? And you'll never know whether letting go would do you good, unless you tried. It's all about taking that first step. Once the hurdle's crossed, you'll realise things will just... flow. I dunno.

I sound like I'm chiding someone. K I am... how I wish I could shake this person up real hard and say all the above in his face. Oh well.

Dread

2005-03-28T13:47:00.000+08:00

Dread; what do you say?
I think I hear the slightest whisper
Of how you're filling things with decay.
But it's no cause for concern, you continue,
Because isn't this part and parcel of your day?
Now sing me something new,
I want to hear about the flowers and trees,
Of rollicking laughters,
And the trickling of streams.
Well there you have it,
You've reached your sanctuary.
What is your name again, I ask.
You answer, quite truthfully,
Anything but Dread.

Yada Yada

2005-03-24T10:19:00.000+08:00

Alone at home again. Haha. How I love the feeling. There's absolute peace and quiet except for the comp speakers. With a family of six (including 3 pesky brothers who can easily get on your nerves when you're not in the best of moods), it's pretty hard to have some time to yourself. Then again having no siblings and feeling so very isloated everyday won't be my cup of tea either. Conclusion: I'm grateful for my big family. HahaZ.

Chem SPA at 1pm later. Suffice to say that I'm pretty confident about this. (Puh-leaze don't let anything go wrong!)

Worst-case Exam Scenarios:
1) You're late.

2) You forgot everything you've studied.

3) Your pen ran out of ink. (And you haven't any spare ones)

4) You can't seem to fasten your scripts together with the darned (short) string. You panic as the invigilator inches nearer and nearer and you break out in cold sweat. As if the paper hadn't stressed you enough! Now this?! (Haha! This is one of the worst!)

5) You can't get that loud jarring tune out of ya head. And the more you're stuck with a tricky problem, the more it amplifies itself inside ya mind. Where's the mute-control remote when ya need it?

Pretty lame stuff. Haha. But no. 5 really happened alot of times. I have this 'remixed sountrack' of Keane, Good Charlotte, Oasis, Jet etc etc playing constantly in my head. Time to ditch the mp3 player for a while. Bleah. As if I could bear to. Maybe everytime an exam nears, I'll halve my listening and downloading time.

K I'd better get going now for SPA.

Haiku-ed

2005-03-16T21:04:00.000+08:00

It feels goooood to be in front of the comp! Haha. I've realised how I react to stress; I basically turn into an escapist. My procrastination's testament to that. Argh. I'm slack! (Drats did I just say the S word?) Nevermind.

I've been surfin' around for haikus, and here're my favs =) :

Silence--a strangled
Telephone has forgotten
That it should ring
Michael R. Collings

Faceless, just numbered.
Lone pixel in the bitmap-
I, anonymous.
Chris Spruck

The winds that blow -
ask them, which leaf on the tree
will be next to go.
Takahama, Kyoshi

Rustling of papers,
Caught up in a silent storm.
There I am-- midget
Me!

I've cooked up one of my own, for good measure. It sure takes my mind off studying!

Generally, Japanese haikus follow the rule of having 5, 7, then 5 syllables respectively for each line. But English haikus don't really follow that too strictly. Interesting form of poetry. HahaZ. Kay back to playing couch potato, then I'll decide if I'm clear-headed enough to continue mugging.

Books away!

Stressed with a capital S

2005-03-05T00:28:00.000+08:00

Wow the week sure passed like lightning.
The A Level results were released yesterday. And when I heard the number of distinctions people can actually get (like, are they still human?) , I got thoroughly stressed out. It didn't help that my chinese result slip had a nine on it! *tears hair out* Grrrrr.

On a lighter note, I went to the SAJC band concert on Thursday. They were good. Not to mention lively. Or all fun and zaniness, I should say. Nah, superb would fit the bill most aptly. They had some outstanding soloists (of which, again, I'm reminded of my Hu. Moreover the concert's at SCH... what a dead ringer of SYF!) who wowed the crowd. Guess I'll have to build my confidence alot more. Herculean task! Anyway Steph was sooooo cute in her band uniform. Haha! The lot of us presented her with the roses and snapped a few pics. It was an enjoyable concert. =)

Ooh and my home theatre system's almost up! The projector came on thursday. We're still lacking the screen and surround speakers. My brother was just playing around with it, screening LOTR and Black Hawk Down. Can't wait for the whole thing to be set up! ^^

I have lots on my mind now, mainly how to finish all that math tutorials I'm lagging so behind at, or to finish memorising the ATP pathway for Bio. I'm. Going. Nuts.

Cuts & Wounds

2005-02-26T23:14:00.000+08:00

I cut my index finger on the banhu today. Had a one-to-one session with the instructor, and it went better than I'd have thought. It was good to finally have someone point out all the nitty-gritty details of how I should play the instrument properly. Unfortuanately I still wasn't able to exert enough strength (he asked me if I'd had breakfast -_-'''). And it was in the process of self-practising over at the amphitheatre that I slit my finger. It's just a slight cut, but try sliding your open wound over and over again on the fine strings of the Hu. Ouch. When I told instructor (after a particularly off-pitch screech from the Hu =P) about it, he said he'd expect better from me next week. Which means I have one week's grace to digest everything he's taught, and execute it correctly. Ok. And with the block test coming, talk about being stressed out!

Speaking of wounds, here's something I wrote down the other day:
If a time comes when you search deep within yourself to uncover that wound, and realise with surprise that the sharp pang you expect would tear yourself apart becomes but a subtle throb, and that the tears you were certain would cloud your vision stay at bay, and merely prick the back of your eyelids discreetly, you know that it's almost healed.

Right. It's bed time!

2005-02-24T15:10:00.000+08:00

aaah our favourtie punk rock rebel with (or without, I dunno) a cause. Her cause? Dissing fellow counterparts like a certain 'Duffy' character for her all-too-girly image. Tsk. And check out her perpetually mascaraed eyes.

2005-02-24T15:03:00.000+08:00

Billie's eyes look like they might pop out anytime. Still reeling from the after-effects of having won a Grammy I 'spose. And what's with that heavily mascaraed look. Still they raWk, without question!

2005-02-20T00:49:00.000+08:00

Presenting the ultimate ball game Bola Bola! HahahZ!

2005-02-20T00:48:00.000+08:00

Class pic! But most of us weren't inside. Still! We look like we're enjoying ourselves. =D

2005-02-20T00:47:00.000+08:00

us at the stall. Alison's holding up Sa's $1 toy from the supermarket. Such a bargain!

2005-02-20T00:45:00.000+08:00

Four wackos. And one of our games from the stall! HahaZ looks pathetic but our stall did quite well!

2005-02-20T00:43:00.000+08:00

group photo! =D

Campus Rumpus with the Saints!

2005-02-19T22:41:00.000+08:00

Went down early to the school in the morn' to set things up. Our banner was drenched from the rain yesterday, so we had to back it up with cardboard and lots of tape. Stupid rain. Hmm then we decided to walk around a bit before our shifts, and did some tattooing. SY had her hair tattoo, and XL and I both had a sun and rose respectively on our ankles. Then we proceeded to the titanic slide. I was coerced to give it a go! (Haha... haiZ SY, u owe me one!!).
It was sweltering outside!! The supermarket which is in the hall provided much needed relief from the heat. Hmm speaking of the supermarket, the 3 tiles which were hand-painted by yours truly were sold! Wahaha that gives me such a tremendous sense of achievement. Shows people have taste eh. =P Becks came back too! HahaZ it's been a looong time. She's still as cheery as ever. We sat down to watch Alison sing. Their performance packed alot of punch as usual. *thumbs up* The rest of the day was spent milling about and helping out at the booth. Our business ain't as bad as I'd have thought. Heh.

Dunking time! SY dunked poor Reubs (eeeevil!). HaZ. And the last $1 for Mr Koh's dunk came from me! Ahaha. Dunking's so much fun! (granted the dunkee's not you!) Speaking of which, I'm still sore about not catching our principal's dunk. Argh!! I wanna watch her get dunked! =P And another of my gripe is that I didn't know Stef Sun was coming. I'd hav stayed put no matter what if I'd known. Mr Koh told me she actually stopped at the booth next to ours to try out their game. Gah!! WHY'D JJ HAV A FUNFAIR THE SAME DAY AS US??

Sigh. Oh well. But I really have to say our funfair was quite a success (ahem. Compared to some other school's. 'Nuff said). It's been a funnnn day! There was just this one thing dampening my spirits a lil'. The two tallest men from Pakistan. They were in the hall for people to marvel at. I dunno, but I think it's kinda degrading for them. Guess it's pretty sensitive, so I shall stop here. You all should get what I'm driving at right.

Went off to JJ to meet up with some pals, one of whom is celebrating her birthday today. And all the stalls were about to pack up when I reached! (more reason why I shouldn't have left school in the first place). But she's an important friend, so I had to be there. Not that I thought the trip was wasted. It's cool catching up with ya friends once in a while. =)

Rip My Heart OUT!!

2005-02-19T00:18:00.000+08:00

Ouch! Ouch!!! Just found out that Jay's rumoured romance turns out to be real after all. To think! To think that! TO THINK THAT HE'S ATTACHED! Argh. 'Somebody rip my heart out, and leave me here to bleed'. I can only think of Lavigne's lyrics. Argh!!! I wouldn't have minded so much if he'd admitted in the first place that he's dating... but he denied everything! Then he had no choice but to spill the beans when lovey dovey photos of him with Ms Hou were published. That fact itself sent off the 'LIAR' alarm in me. *kicks, screams and bawls*.

Right. I believe I've calmed down considerably to continue blogging in a rational manner.
Funfair preparations went quite well today, considering how last minute our class was. Everything was set up nicely and we had trials. Our dear overzealous classmates tried out the games and knocked a few containers off the board. Haha. And the best thing? We're situated next to the dunking machine! *two thumbs up* (Hmm but good luck to us should some heavy weight get dunked. We don't wanna get too wet, do we? HaZ.) Can't wait for tomorrow. We're all revved up and ready to go! Can't wait to see the live band performances too, and not forgetting the tallest man in the world. WhaoZ. So many things to look forward to. Tomorrow's gonna be sooooo much fun!

And I still can't get over it!! I totally abhor liars. And people who say what they don't actually mean. And people who think the rest of the world's made up of idiots who'll lap up whatever they say. And people who do something, but mean something else. And people who think they can get away with anything and everything 'cos they're so 'great'. And people who basically have no regards whatsoever to how what they've done might've hurt someone deeply.

Phew. Quite an outburst. But if you happen to think for a mo' that the above pertains to Jay, then you're wrong. Well partly, but mostly not. Whatever.

Valentines' 'reflections'

2005-02-16T20:11:00.000+08:00

A handful of chocs and sweets, a Jay Chou poster (thanks CW!), two soft toys (thanks SY!) and a blue rose later, I'm grateful that V Day's over and done with. Don't ask me why I'm irritated by it. I just am. On my way home on a crowded bus on Monday, I couldn't help noticing how that couple over there was cuddling up, or how those girls holding on to balloons were letting out girlish peals of 'Ooh, how sweeeeeeet!', or how people were throwing looks at the blue rose in my hand. Was trying to prevent it from getting hopelessly squashed. (I'm attempting to be civil here. Right, it was nice of him to give me the blue rose, but the rose is definitely nicer than him! Wahaha. BleahZ. So much for being civil. =P ) Okok. I know that beneath all the plethora of extravagant gifts smacking of consumerism and materialism, V Day's still a celebration of tru-blu lurve. Not only of the romantic kind, but also between family and friends. Next Valentine's, I shall endeavour not to roll my eyes as much when I see another ad in the papers or TV with fanciful cursive and pink roses and cheesy taglines. Gah. ^-^'''

Happy Lunar New Year!

2005-02-13T11:11:00.000+08:00

So! It's the fifth day of the Lunar New Year. Hmm with the goodies polished off (almost), the incoming flow of angbaos ceasing (nope, it's ceased completely!), and the dreadful prospect of school tomorrow, it's no wonder then that the CNY spirit in me is diminishing. But let's hope the house visiting to my friend's homes later might rekindle that. Haha... Then again, what CNY spirit is there to speak of? Gone are the days when I used to rush home all bubbly and excited during the eve and look on amused as my parents bustle to and fro setting things right. And the anticipation of seeing your relatives (correction: cute cousins. Haha) and crowding around the steamboat! That felt like ages ago... Now the atmosphere's definitely duller. Still! I think owing to how greatly I appreciated CNY when I was a kid, it definitely remains the best festival of all time on my list. HahaZ. (=

The Orchard of Hope Performance. Mmm. Had to drag (literally!) a certain very reluctant performer up on stage. @&%^$#&$*%. And the performance could be better. But hey, even the bestest performances would still have rooms for improvement. Dinner with the section after that. A nice Saturday night out I suppose. Haha. ^-^

V Day tomorrow! I'll be abandoned by SY and XL (yet again...). Haha at least I needn't wrack my brains over what to get for their other halves! Will be dishing out chocolates though. Hershey's kisses at that. 'Smacks' very much of Valentines, no? Bleah. Anyways, cheers to all singles out there!

Hungry! I'll go sniffing around the kitchen. Heh.

2005-02-11T16:48:00.000+08:00

Is.He.Cute.Or.What.

2005-02-11T16:44:00.000+08:00

*squeals!* Hmm somehow I feel he looks like a J-rocker. But who cares, it's JAY! =D

Hedgehog

2005-02-05T22:15:00.000+08:00

'...Quick muscle contraction to make a spiky ball. A hedgehog can stay like that for a long time until he feels the danger is gone. '
I wonder if they sprout new and tougher spines too, after being attacked multiple times...

And all of a sudden
They were up,
Tall and toughened,
sleek and sharp.

...But I'd like to think the spines are there to defend, not attack.

They purport not to pierce,
But serve to hide
Its quivering body
And its wounded pride.

Does the predator go away indifferent, or remorseful for having inflicted emotional trauma? (The former I suppose. Predators... aren't they the unfeeling kind?)

Into the distance you slinked,
Leaving in the cold
The painful kinks
wracking its strained soul.

What's next? Recovery isn't as swift I suppose...

Still the spines remain
Atop a raw, reborn being
with the permanent taint
Of what memories bring.

But I believe that fear and pain will eventually die down. Until then, lets hope that the hedgehog finds his place among thorny bushes and unfeeling predators.

5/7

2005-02-04T22:07:00.000+08:00

5 days out of 7 of this week is over. I can't wait. I've been walking and feeling like a zombie throughout. *Cue for The Cranberries to sing. Ugh.* And my eye bags! Bah! *Cue for Scrooge to add 'Humbug!'* HaiZ.

PE today was fun though. Haha we played soft baaaaaall! Our class was as upbeat about the game as ever (considering how we had to beg Mr Ben Soh real hard for a turn at it). And we really went all out for the game. Class spirit at its best, definitely. Everyone's shouting for everyone else's team mates... and we were united in dissing you-know-who. That disgusting fella. =P We were into the game! And was I surprised when my first turn at batting went smoothly; no strikes and I managed to hit. Then I ran like nobody's business. Haha. But the second turn was bad. Three strikes and I was out. Ah well. We ended up in a tie though. It was a GREAT game! Wooohooo. If only every PE lesson was as fun. =)

Liling lent us a denim-covered notebook with love quotations from several idol dramas + songs. (for XL's reference. HaZ.) Some of them were saccharine sweet while most of them veered towards despondence over failed/never-meant-to-be relationships. Hmm they were thought-provoking. Haha. Love's a complicated emotion, and simple quotes like these demystify it somehow. But of course it's all up to you to unravel what the quotes cannot reach; how your very heart beats. And we just started on the mammalian heart system during Bio lect today! >_< Heh.

YawnZ. Think I'd better go to bed.

Greeeeeeeen

2005-01-30T18:45:00.000+08:00

Why am I not surprised that I'm the M.O.T.M. The whole section voted for me... tsktsk. But of course, I'm not letting it get to my head (but it's hard when you see how the golden keychain proclaiming SACO M.O.T.M Jan '05 gleams like... well, gold. Hahah. =P). This is just another display of how united our section is. Sometimes I dunno whether to laugh or cry (when they're united for all the wrong reasons). But anyways, you guys raWk! Not because you all voted, but because I seriously enjoy the company you all bring. =)

My brain power's maxed out already (due to integration, what else), so here I am glued to the com again. And I've downloaded the whole American Idiot album! (by courtesy of Aaron. Hawhaw.) That's a consolation for having done maths for the whole morn' I guess. Heh.

The coming week's gonna be busy. It's horrible. Totally jam-packed. Can't wait for the week to be over!!!
I'm off lambasting my ear drums with more of Green Day. Haha.

Smile

2005-01-28T23:44:00.000+08:00

Argh. I think the whole Internet’s down (can there be such a ridiculous phenomenon? But then it’s really happening...) And I’m blogging on MS Word. BleahZ.

Had my hair trimmed today at Far East. Hmm and do I like the cut? Lemme see… I like it as much as I fancy the sun rising and setting, the earth revolving around the sun, and the sun being just one of the many stars littering the cosmos. Go figure. Haha. I’m dog tired!!
_______________________________________________

Smile

It’s blinding.
The sheen of your pearly whites
And the flare of stubbornness,
Your flair for loneliness.

Your lips, they curve upwards
Like the woeful crescent of the moon,
Speckled with bottomless pits
To be filled with the passing clouds
And the thickening mist.

It radiates but not lightens,
Consoles but not cheers.
For pray, don’t I see your droplets of ripe rain
Cascading down into those pits?

You’ve been holding on all this while.
Tearing through your smile.

In My mp3 Player

2005-01-21T01:04:00.000+08:00

Look at the stars
Look how they shine for you
And everything you do...
Coldplay- Yellow

When I come undone
You bring me back again
Back under the stars
Back into your arms
Avril Lavigne- Fall to Pieces

Here comes the rain again
Falling from the stars
Drenched in my pain again
Becoming who we are
Green Day- Wake Me Up When September Ends

Come here
Oh my star is fadin'
And I see no chance of release...
Coldplay- Amsterdam

'Cos all of the stars are fadin' away
Just try not to worry
You'll see them some day...
Oasis- Stop Crying Your Heart Out

Swingin' to the Stars

2005-01-20T16:34:00.000+08:00

Have got some time to kill before SY, XL and Dawn come over to work on the GP presentation. So here I am blogging.

Anyway yesterday my whole family went to Changi for dinner with my uncle. It's this restaurant right by the beach and very near the airport. So we were dining by the sandy shores al-fresco and reaching out to touch the bellies of airplanes that flew by. The sea breeze was strong and after downing my sarsi-float I was ready to freeze. Haha. But the ambience was niceee. The food commendable too.

After dinner my uncle and dad stayed to chat, while me and my three bros went over to the playground nearby. Yep, it's the kind of fully-equipped playground which'd put those neighbourhood ones to shame. For instance, it had a grand total of eight swings. And three slides. And other stuff to hone your arm/leg muscles with. In other words, it was play paradise.

So of course the first thing we did was to rush to the swings. I suggested competing who'd be able to swing the highest, and on my cue we took off. I kicked with all I was worth and felt myself being elevated through the crisp night air. It wasn't until my bros gave cries of protests that I realised I'd reached a considerably high altitude. HehehZ. Try as they might they'll never be able to beat me ('cos of our weight disparities =P). And so they were protesting and complaining, and I ended up giving tips on how to swing higher. Like it'd work... >< But we did have a reallyyyyyyy fUn time at the playground. Ahh... gone are the days where we used to climb all over the old playground (which no longer exists now) near our home. *Strokes beard and reminisces*. Haha. =P

I kicked with my might,
And soared to the heavens
Where the starry lights
Had the darkness driven.
How I wonder what they are,
Pinpricks in a sea of black.
But isn't it called a pretty star,
Calming you when you're a wreck?

Oh, and the stars were really prominent and pretty too. =)

Sunday Morning

2005-01-16T11:03:00.000+08:00

Oh wow. It's Sunday already? Another week gone by.
Anyways it's a pretty nice morning today, and I'm home alone. My mum accompanied my three brothers to recieve their edusave awards... (Yeah all three of them got it. I used to get it too but last year's results were just sucky. Oh well.)

Right now: Green Day + Simple Plan's blasting from my speakers. Can feel the wind whooshing from the subwoofer. I just lurve the subwoofers! Total sound enhancement. Haha. The good thing about being home alone. ;)
Plan of the day: I shall devour my Bio notes after my math tuition.

here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we are
-Green Day
Wake Me Up When Septmeber Ends

Cool song. One of the reasons I like it is 'cos September's my birthmonth! =P
Right. Time to work on integration homework.

Listen!

2005-01-13T21:52:00.000+08:00

John Dryden - Happy The Man
Happy the man, and happy he alone,
He who can call today his own:
He who, secure within, can say,
Tomorrow do thy worst, for I have lived today.
Be fair or foul or rain or shine
The joys I have possessed, in spite of fate, are mine.
Not Heaven itself upon the past has power,
But what has been, has been, and I have had my hour.

Haha. Realised my last two poems were on the darker side (but then again when were they ever on the brighter side...) so I decided to liven things up by posting this cUte poem.

Yep. Anyways had a fun time during ME lesson today at the amphitheatre. We were supposed to 'listen' to what our classmates were saying. All in a bid to make us learn to listen and to bond the class or something like that. And this is one of the times when I feel the whole class is really united. A lazy afternoon at the amphitheatre crapping around with your classmates... ME lessons sure are getting better. Haha. Then there's a valuable lesson to be learnt too (yea cheeeeeeeesy, but still =) ). Mr Koh's words did sum it all up; sometimes you just need to listen more... maybe there's a person in your life you should always have listened to, but didn't. Sigh. I just lurve philosophical musings like these. Especially on such a wonderful afternoon. (=

Armed Attack

2005-01-13T21:27:00.000+08:00

There's a gaping hole
Spurting with thick blood.

Shot at by your bullet;
Swift and uncompromising it came,
And I was unarmed.

Stabbed at by your dagger,
Your own rythmic pace.
Stab stab stab.

Pray do end it all quick.

Torment me no more,
and I shall pass into the dark.

Won't you lay down your gun and dagger?

Fool

2005-01-13T21:04:00.000+08:00

You didn't say, so I assumed.
That the rays of the sun are mine to keep
And the moon's aloofness,
A mere ruse to deter.

You didn't say, so I assumed.
That all bubbly laughters are meant for my ears,
And the displayed disdain
Is but a masquerade.

You didn't say, so I assumed.
That rainbows do have the eighth hue,
And the cold night only transient.

But I'm exhausted assuming
That you'll be the air I breathe.
Because the sun is setting,
the laughter ceasing,
And the rainbows melting.

You didn't say.

Alone

2005-01-07T22:08:00.000+08:00

I'm so proud of myself today. I watched a movie all alone! Haha. Been meaning to catch 'Phantom' all this while, but there didn't seem to be anyone available to watch it with me, so I decided to go all by myself. In the past I wouldn't do that, 'cos I've always thought people who watched movies alone were losers. Hmm look who's the loser now.

Anyways I regretted my move the moment I stepped into the theatre at JEC. Not the part about watching alone, but about my decision to watch it at JE. The screen was smaaall, the seats were creaky, and I had to crane my neck for a bit. Argh. All this at my first attempt to watch a movie alone. Haven't watched a movie there in eons, shoulda known better. I'm NOT going back ever.

But the movie more than made up for the stoopid theatre's shortcomings. Resplendent settings and soulful warbles and a brilliant soundtrack. At least I enjoyed the movie. Haha. =)

It ain't too bad catching a flick alone. Hmm if only I'd caught LoTR alone too... Never mind. It may be that your solitude intensifies how you percieve the movie, 'cos there're no friends distracting you whatsoever. It's just the movie and you. Period.
So the next time I really want to indulge myself, I'll catch a wonderful movie all alone. Cool.

Me = J2

2005-01-04T23:03:00.000+08:00

Yep, we've been promoted! The funny thing is I can't really register that I'm already a J2. Or the fact that my friends around me are J2s. Or that the price of prata has risen to a grand total of 60cents. Or that the A's are imminent. Or that I'm turning 18 this year. Yikes.

Bummer. Can't think of anymore things to say, have to get up early tomorrow. I guess this blog'll lie idle for a while, so long as my homework beckons. =P

Goodbye 2004 =)

2004-12-31T16:19:00.000+08:00

So this is it, my last post of 2004.

It's been an eventful year for me, what with laughter and joy, heartache and angst, stress and more stress, and of course some moments of quiescence. I've definitely changed quite a bit, because my stepping into two different JCs opened up my horizons like never before.

I've met some very good friends in JJC in the first quater of the year, and it's thanks to them that I quicly adapted to life in JC. But after that, coming into SAJC was one of the best things that happened to me. I've got a great class with equally great people (yeaps that includes the three of you: SY, XL and Becks!), joined a close-knit CCA, and discovered a wilder side of me. Haha. The only other thing not going right was my grades. -_-'''

This is me in 2004...

On all things political: The Iraq war, the messy Taiwanese elections, Bush's reinstatement, incessant suicide bombings and kidnaps by terrorists... Wait I'm getting giddy already. Never mind.

On Paris Hilton: All together now... "Ewwwwwwwww". Hahhaa. The conceited hotel heiress never fails to get on my nerves. She's a classic example of a dumb blonde. No. An extremely dumb blonde. I think people are fascinated with her because they want to see just how dumb a person can actually get. She's at the zenith in my opinion. Bleah.

On the Blogging trend: Yikes. Almost everyone owns a blog now. I actually started blogging in sec 3, but it was on-and-off. I dunno, but somehow I feel blogs are the best displays of narcissism. One would yak on and on about oneself, and it's tiring after a while. But there's no denying that we are busybodies, and there's no better way to keep track of your friend's life than through his/her blog. Of course, there're some blogs devoted to politics, philosophy, the entertainment industry, etc etc. They have weighty influences on alot of matters. Those are worth noting, and great for killing time. And it's not called push-button publishing for nothing. So go on people, keep blogging, 'cos this trend is here to stay.

On S'pore Idol: This year saw the phenomenal rise of ordinary S'poreans with extraodinary voices. With cute smiles to boot. (i.e. Sly! <3) It's refreshing to see S'poreans going crazy after fellow S'poreans, instead of wannabe boybands or lip-synching nymphets from overseaas. Had a fun time chasing after the results. And Taufik will always be our S'pore Idol. =)

On the killer Tsunamis: On that particular Sunday I was sun-tanning on Siloso Beach. *Shudders*. S'pore is so very lucky to have been spared this catastrophe, and I've never been as grateful for being a S'porean. It will take billions of dollars to materialise reconstruction, and then there's the impending pandemic just waiting to happen. It's saddening to see innocent sufferers, especially children... sigh. May the new year bring new hope, and in the mean time we'll all just give whatever we can to relief the affected.

On Love: I've suffered an eyesore (bwahahaha... no prizes for guessing who I'm referring to), callously broken someone's heart, and finally had my own smashed to smithereens. Haha. What'd I say, it's definitely an eventful year! But I'm disillusioned... if it's not meant to be, there's no use hankering after it. Sigh.

On Friends and Family: Nothing more to add here. Because everyone was just GREAT. (that includes you. Yes, you reading this now!) =D

Ok... that's all I can think of to comment on. Until next year, people.
~Happy New Year!~

My Take

2004-12-29T01:33:00.000+08:00

There's no denying that Tsunamis fascinate me. I'd seen this documentary when I was young and ever since then I've been a huge fan of it. Come to think of it I like natural disasters, like tornadoes (as immortalised by the film 'Twister'; saw this film at my late grandad's house a gazillion times) , hurricanes and the likes. But Tsunamis definitely top the list. And the deadly Tsunamis in the region that caused destruction catastrophic in proportion only increased my awe for them. It's only water, but it yields immense energy. And the way the wave curls and then crashes, is so grand and awe-inspiring. Nope I'm not exaggerating, 'cos that's just how I feel about Tsunamis.

Thus it was such that when I heard about the disaster, all I cared about was how the media would capture scenes of the killer Tsunami, how towering it was, how potent its force, how magnificent the whole thing was. I didn't really catch how many casualties there were, or how huge the scale of destruction was. Sadly, I just glued myself to the screen and willed the next video to be better than the previous one, to showcase the grandeur of the Tsunami.

Then I saw this picture of a 'lil girl weeping. And then it struck me that hey, people are suffering out there and all you care about is your stoopid Tsunami?? Yep I actually felt guilty about it.

So many innocent lives lost, and many of them were kids. It's in disasters like these that we can't help but feel the vulnerability of humans, and this time against Nature's fury, no less. If terrrorists could wipe out thousands and thousands, Mother Nature can do even worse.

Just my take on the disaster.
May all the unfortunate souls rest in eternal peace.

Spill!

2004-12-23T01:51:00.000+08:00

Ok wait. When I said 'today' in my previous post I meant Wed, 'cos it's past midnight when I posted. And the reason I'm posting again is because... I feel like posting again. (>_<) I think one can get seriously addicted to blogging, and yesterday in ST's copy of Digital Life a couple of articles were devoted to it. Blah blah blah... Ok I'm just digressing. HaiZ.

The main thing is, I've thought things through and realised that if I tried extricating myself from all the messy emotions I've conjured up, and try personating the role of spectator-in-the-sidelines watching my supposedly messed-up life flash by, things'd be much much better. Like, of course it works that way, dummy... you just think too much and get entangled in all sorts of agony. It's all in the mind and it's for you to believe what you want to.

And I'm trying hard to believe. In the way that maybe unrequitted love isn't as painful as it seems, because hey, at least you have a heart to grow fond of that someone, and at least your heart tells you unflinchingly to go for it, to have that courage to love. Even if your feelings go unreciprocated, you should rejoice because you were ever happy with the acquaintance of your special someone. It's like that star in the sky... you know you can't ever reach it but you can't help try (saw this apt quote from somewhere).

There. Feels good to just pour everything out like that. Never felt better.
One of these days (in the very near future), I'll succeed in believing.

And no, I'm not a loony by the way. Haha.

X'mas spirit

2004-12-23T01:18:00.000+08:00

Baked lotsa cookies with my bro and cousin today. It's been a long time since we baked and the last time we did, my cousin's mixer short fused and couldn't function anymore. And this time round we were lucky my dad was around, 'cos he smelled something funny (but we seriously thought all mixers are supposed to smell funny) and to our horror the motor of the mixer emitted fumes. Hahaha. Fotunately the beating was almost done, and we manually did the rest. My bro then proceeded to shape an unusually large cookiemonster-styled cookie, with his intial Z on it. When it was baked he held it close to his ear and said "Listen... Zzzzzzz", just like cookie monster always does. My cousin and I were almost rolling on the floor laughing. HahaZ!

Phew. We took approx 5 hrs to finish baking, and then my whole family went to orchard road. Met up my mum at the mandarin hotel and there was a group of pitch-perfect carollers. They're the best carollers I've ever heard. Brought out the spirit of Xmas fully... =)
We then traversed the whole (and I really mean the whole ) stretch of Orchard (our annual family-Xmas-tradition) , and there were throngs and throngs of people. The streets were just thick with the Xmas crowd, and there were so many street performances I lost count of how many. I can just imagine Julie Andrews singing "The streets are alive with the sound of Xmas...". Ha-ha-ha. ><
Anyways I enjoyed the dazzling lights and decos very much, but the most delightful part had to be when we settled down for supper opposite centre point. The food was graaaaaaate. Hehe.

Hohoho. Three days and counting.

2004-12-22T01:18:00.000+08:00

Gone.
Like the detached kite from its string,
Like the final rays before twilight,
Like the minutes of precious time,
Like the hope that once sprang,
Like the self that almost believed.

My footnote: HaiZ and I do hate moping around like that. But whatever. I'll be fine in a jiffy, just like always. Oh well.

Untitled.

2004-12-22T01:08:00.000+08:00

I feel horrible. Sometimes curling yourself up into a tight ball and letting your vision gradually blur with hot tears does wonders. Because you're momentarily purged of so much pent up feelings. Crying without inhibitions is an art by itself, for if correctly exectued it provides tremendous relief of sorts. You can worry about the aftermath (bloodshot eyes, runny nose etc etc) later, but right then and there all you can do (and all you really want to do) is to cry. And cry you will. Hard.

Sunday

2004-12-20T01:37:00.000+08:00

Hmm I feel like chronicling the nitty gritties of my day. So here goes (get ready to doze off)...

Woke up at around 10am and my brothers were still sleeping. So I went into the living room where my mum was reading the papers, and she looked at me wide-eyed in surprise. I finished for her what she wanted to say: "Yah seldom see me wake up so early right?" And she actually nodded. My status as tru-blu pig has once again been reaffirmed. Oh well. It's just that I've had weird dreams all night (how's dreaming of eating green-coloured scrambled eggs that smell icky) and needa get up or else I'll go bonkers.

Breakfast! (Notice the exclamation mark; things to do with food hype me up. Ha.) We had tuna, so mum had me microwave two cans of it, after which she told me to slice the cucumbers. I have nothing against cucumbers, but slicing the skin off is another matter. Needless to say I did a slipshod job out of it (I just cannot wield the kitchen knife; I'm a knife-phobe) and my mum had to demoralise me by adding "Your brother can do better than you." Argh.

So I munched on my tuna sandwich and read the papers. ST's Lifestyle is my Sunday staple, and it feels downright odd should I go through a Sunday without browsing through it. Tay Yeak Kek's (dunno if I spelt his name correctly =P) column was featured today and I had a good laugh over his 'letter' to the governor of California, Arnie S. His gags are so lame, they're funny. He's one of my favourite columnists, including Sumiko Tan (the modern-day power-spinster) and Collin Goh (the wacky and brainy originator of talkingcock.com).

Proceeded to do my GP compre. Halfway through the paper, I suddenly realised the redundancy of having questions at all. They should just do away with all questions and request the most crucial one: 'rephrase the whole passage and use your own words as far as possible'. That'd save all the trouble. Saves paper too. Ok never mind. Procrastinated for quite a bit (watched Anaconda 2 which my dad bought yesterday) before I finally neared the end of the compre. There's just the AQ left.

Grabbed my mp3 and listened for a while, before I dozed off with the music still playing. This always happens, which explains why my batteries keep dwindling. Hmm by the time I woke up it was late afternoon/early evening and my family and I decided to venture to West Coast and rent bicycles. Unfortunately, the place has changed so much that the bicycle rental shed disappeared too. We ended up walking along the pier/jetty (dunno what it's properly called) and having snacks at Mac's. Not bad, the place was very nicely done up.

Came home and watched Shrek. My first time watching it, and it's pretty good. Lotsa spoofs we could relate to (like how my brothers guffawed at the WWE-like match at Dunlop; and Fiona's Matrix-style stances...). Niceee. After that we went out for supper, and I came back and completed my AQ, finally.

And here I am now typing out this (boring) blog. Speaking of boring, my whole week's gonna be filled with bore and more bore (library CIP). Argh. Just as well. Takes my mind off things...

Why do I have a feeling that emptiness will prevail this coming Yuletide? HaiZ.

My Star

2004-12-18T01:26:00.000+08:00

There you are way up high
in the inky midnight sky,
twinkling as I give a sigh.
Discreetly you radiate lethal charm,
as I've realised with much alarm
how you alone dominate
my piece of blackened sky.
So it is now that I,
(with a strong impetus to try)
reach forth to grasp
what my fingers cannot clasp.
For there you are way up high,
in my piece of midnight sky...

My Christmas Wishlist (not in order of preferrence)

2004-12-17T13:29:00.000+08:00

1.) Sylvia Plath's Ariel: The Restored Edition

2.) A pink PMK t-shirt (Pink? Bleahz. But hey PMK shirts look best in pink...)

3.) An orange Creative Zen Micro (I hope I can win this through the ST Life contest)

4.) A Billabong wallet

5.) A Very Merry X'mas. Haha.

2004-12-17T12:59:00.000+08:00

Slyvia Plath's Ariel: The Restored Edition

2004-12-17T12:57:00.000+08:00

An Orange Creative Zen Micro

Things I've learnt during camp (13-15Dec)

2004-12-16T14:17:00.000+08:00

-That a person's outward behaviour may decieve. Because a docile and genial facade might belie a scheming side. My perfect impression of someone was nearly ruined when I got wind of... something. I say nearly 'cos I don't think he's actually that bad an egg; but then again you can't tell how rotten the interior of an egg is by looking at its shell alone. Hmm.

-That sleeping close to hi-fi set speakers ain't too good an idea when a movie with outrageous sound effects is being screened. But it provided a signal as to when to open your sleepy eyes and peek a little bit to catch the exciting bits. Basically I sat (laid down actually) through the whole movie with slitted eyes.

-That my reaction is slooooooow. The two times we played double whacko I had to be forfeited. Urgh.

-That scalding hot water doesn't melt plastic cups. The magic of milo...

-That madness is contagious. Just look at Xiaoling, Liling and Aaron. Hhaha.

-That nothing beats having a warm and comfy sleeping bag to nuzzle into at night. Hey SY, sorry you had to endure the chill on the first night... but the second night was better right? Thanks to my ingenuity... Ok both of our ingenuity. =P

-That walking alone along the dark classroom corridors at night is freaky. Had to return the classroom key to Ms Yeo. Oh and the staff lounge looked luxurious with its sofas; a far cry from the cold hard carpeted CO room floor. =P

-That my luck can't be any 'better'. During Murderer I've played murderer thrice and detective twice. Maybe several more times but I forgot.

-That I still can't get over my stage fright.

-That I can actually shun a piece of chocolate cake. Am feeling remorseful now.

-That the erhu section seriously needs to buck up. I'm with you guys... I need to get my act up too.

-That I have absolutely no affinity with cards. I figure there's this repulsion between me and them; I can't play bridge to save my life, much less unravel the secrets behind those irritating card tricks. Argh.

-That my home is still the sweetest.

Crimson

2004-12-10T23:04:00.000+08:00

I'm lost in the garden
where roses of
bloody crimson abound.
Slender stems and lucious petals
they endear me with;
their perfumed aura empowering,
till I've fallen bewitched.
Behold the treachery,
Wild yet tame,
Glaring yet subtle.
Now it's the thorns that
are piercing me so, ripping,
gnashing, splitting.
Out gushes my blood which flows
thickened with vengeful angst
till the roses too are tainted;
their crimson thirst quenched,
and my bleeding soul barren.

There'll come a day...

2004-12-09T01:56:00.000+08:00

Am listening to a song from the soundtrack of 蔷薇, '也许有一天'. Woohoo. It has a carefree and nonchalant feel about it, as if everything's falling apart but you're taking it in your stride. Maybe it's the after-effect of watching too much of the show, but listening to this song really relaxes me. And if you watch the show you'll know why... the song blends seamlessly into every lighthearted scene; which ain't too many if you ask moi.

Haven't felt like that in ages. (=

当我看着你的眼睛
我等的是奇迹
[也许有一天]

Addict~

2004-12-06T21:50:00.000+08:00

I've been glued to the TV for hours on end. And nope, it's not some channel 8 drama serial. It's the complete set of 蔷薇之恋 which Sze Ean lent me. Hmm the VCDs have been collecting dust in a corner for quite some time before I decided to watch them. Yech. Don't exactly like SHE anyway... but to dispell my boredom, I'd do anything. (Even something as drastic as watching 3 wannabes. Their singing's already mediocre, and they want to act?! =P)
Surprisingly, the serial's not bad at all. Ella can really act, and the plot's enthralling (albeit somewhat complicated....) . But one of the main draws of the show is the character Han Kui. Hahaha. He's too pretty for a guy to be true. Very cute too. Makes for good eye-candy material. =D

Looks like the rest of my hols will be spent watching the VCDs. Let's hope I get to finish my tutorials on time...

2004-12-06T21:43:00.000+08:00

Kui.

Messed Up

2004-12-05T02:08:00.000+08:00

I don't need reminder that I'm feelin' cranky and very out of sorts. (especially NOT from you. Urgh)

And the worst thing? I dunno what for.

Lemme see. The second worst thing. Not being able to sleep now 'cos I slept too much today. (Repeat after me now... P-I-G)

Hmm if only my world revolved around computer games and TV like my bros'.
Too bad it doesn't.

Seriously if the sky came crashing down this very minute I'd be glad of it; at least I wouldn't have to face another tomorrow. (ooh Dark. You'd think I'm some depressed maniac. But maybe that's not too unfounded...)

What am I doing posting this madness anyway.

Nawp. *brandishes pen and criss-crosses the above post away*

Top Ten Things I'm [very] Good at

2004-12-04T01:03:00.000+08:00

10.) Daydreaming (I could spend the whole day without speaking; not a problem).

9.) Wishing I had a remote control that shushes the whole world when I push the mute button.

8.) Gazing with glassy eyes at the passing scenery when dad drives the car, silently.

7.) Settling in the cosiest spot in the library, away from the crowd, and reading away.

6.) Being indignant when treated unfairly; but in silence.

5.) Having a thousand conflicting thoughts in my head which are so loud they seem so real; when in reality I'm still silent.

4.) Believing fervently in the phrase 'Silence is golden'. Sometimes more can be exchanged between two persons without uttering a single word.

3.) Keeping silent when you're pissed with something; I'm not good with words anyway.

2.) Walking alongside you quietly when you're sobbing as if the world's gonna end (with the occasional sympathetic pat on the back)... I'm still not too good with words.

1.) Only managing a smile when you amuse me; I'm definitely not good with words. (But really, you charmed me)

Trouble

2004-12-02T23:50:00.000+08:00

Oh no, I see,

A spider web is tangled up with me,

And I lost my head,

The thought of all the stupid things I said,

Oh no what's this?

A spider web, and I'm caught in the middle,

So I turned to run,

The thought of all the stupid things I've done...

Coldplay- Trouble

Phenomenon

2004-12-02T01:04:00.000+08:00

Ok I'm disappointed. But not too sorely. 'Cos it's common knowledge that Taufik has THE voice. But Sly has the irresistable charm... oh man oh man. Hahha. Hmm it's not like I'm gonna care very very much anyway, he's not Jay for instance. Yep they can sing, but can they tinker with instuments like a pro? Noooooooooo. =P
May Taufik do us proud on the world stage, like a true S'pore Idol. =)
[edit: just found out that there won't be World Idol for Taufik *scratches head*]

Tell me

2004-12-01T01:32:00.000+08:00

Tell me I've not made it worse,
Tell me everything's fine.
Tell me a wound's easy to nurse,
Tell me I've not crossed that line.
Tell me there still exists hope,
Tell me I shall not be disappointed.
Tell me it's not too difficult to cope,
Tell me my bad dreams have faded.
Tell me wondrous stories,
Tell me the uniqueness of Life.
Tell me all the past glories,
Tell me I will survive.

2004-11-30T23:59:00.000+08:00

Let's Rock and Roll!

2004-11-30T23:57:00.000+08:00

Yep he's having a gooood time indeed...

2004-11-30T23:56:00.000+08:00

yea u captured my <3 too, Jay. =P

2004-11-30T23:55:00.000+08:00

Argh! What more can a girl ask for... Haha

Incomparable to Jay <3

2004-11-28T22:44:00.000+08:00

I shall start with my net friends. There was...

mUshy --> She's getting married next month! And she was the one who booked the tics for us through Mastercard. Hmm a bit on the short side, but very adult-ish and personable all the same.

Shirley --> The only non-Ke Ai Nu Ren member. Very short too. Haha... hmm don't really know her that well though ('cos she's not from KANR).

Pin--> I really didn't expect her to be chubby. But one thing's for sure; she's as witty in real life as she's in the forums. Smart too; currently in NUS and hailed from HCJC. But too 'dao' for me. =P

Ziwei--> She's very skinny... and short (ok by now I have to clarify that I'm like, the second tallest among the ladies). Hmm not as imposing as in the forums; she nearly calls the shots in the forums, but in real life she's quite quiet.

Yurika--> Ahh our guest of honour from Indonesia! She specially came to S'pore just to watch Jay, and decided to meet us up too. Very very pretty; and she's the tallest among the ladies (I come in next. Haha).

Chloe--> Really friendly girl. Came from AJC, currently in SMU. Sat with her on the bus ride to the stadium and we chatted about lots of things, including S'pore Idol. And she supports Sly too!! Hahaa.

Huimin--> Chloe's friend from SMU. Came from TJC and told me that she'd wanted to come to SA because of the uniform. Haha. The only person not from the forums. But real friendly too. I think I feel the most comfortable with her. Strange eh. Sat next to her during the concert too.

Jim--> Wow ok he came as a real shock. He's an ah beng through and through, and he spoke with a M'sian slang. Bleah... Completely different from the forums. =P

Li-gor gor--> He's the closest to me compared with all the others. Haha good 'ole Boss... I already knew he's tall (180++) , but his looks... hmm I didn't expect him to be so skinny! He's gonna be a teacher soon but he still acts silly like a kid. He's really smart too. Helped me with my math in the past when I had problems. 'Subsidised' my cab fare with Ziwei's too when we didn't make it in time for the train. Yep, he's a really nice person. =)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The concert!! It started at around 8.40pm. I stood throughout most of the concert (when you're on a high you don't think of sitting) and waved my hand with the glo stick in it to all of his songs. My arm ached after that 'cos I was waving too fanatically. Haha. Was singing at the TOP of my lungs... the guy sitting beside me did the same too (he had good vocals =P), as well as the bunch of girls behind me. All crazy fans hahaha.

Jay was pitch-perfect all night. He didn't go off tune even once. He's sooooooo talented. He played the flute, and then there was a segment where he played on a white grand piano to Qing Tian. Arghh!!! THAT is the exact picture of my prince-charming!! Then after that he plonked on the ivories Maksim-like along with a Nan Quan Ma Ma member, and they were gooooood. Their fingers flew effortlessly over the keys. Now that's what I call talent. During the encore he got on the drum set too and everyone went wild. He's just soooooooooo talented!!

His concerts are ALL characterised by these things:
1) The 'He He Ha Hee' part of Shuang Jie Gun, where the audience will rap along.
2) The last phrase of An Jing '是因为我太爱你', where we'll scream along particularly loud. 'Cos we're expressing our lurve for him. Hahaha.
3) Before the encore. We'll holler '杰伦，杰伦，杰伦。。。' in perfect synchrony till he finally appears. =D

He was just soooooooo charming. And cute. Ok I can't think of any more things to add... but I will when something comes to mind. =P
Anyways I lurve him to bits and shreds and smithereens!!! <3

Hyped UP!

2004-11-27T01:07:00.000+08:00

我接着写把永远爱你写进诗的结尾
你是我唯一想要的了解。。。
‘七里香’[七里香]
This is the 6th in my series of fav Jay lyrics+songs leading up to his concert... which means the Big Day's tomorrow!! (oops it's past midnight now. SO IT'S TODAY!) =D

Go figure

2004-11-25T22:31:00.000+08:00

Went to Orchard and window-shopped around the whole day with Sookee, Idiot, DaiCai and Sihui. It's our very last meet-up with DaiCai before she migrates to NZ. Aww... after being PW pals for all these months, I can put a finger to her idiosyncrasies. Like how she loathes latecomers, but is almost always late. Ha. I might very well miss her cutting remarks. Anyways I'm officially sick of Orchard!
Argh I can't wait for this sucky week to be over. Except for Jay's concert.

They're all fakes.
The swimming radiance,
the swirling finery.
You get faint and giddy,
struggling in surrealism.
Lost.
You try to shut them out.
Eyes closed, ears covered.
Heart stopped, brain dead.
Numb.
But they persist,
with merciless houndings
and sinister threats.
Until you
Surrender.
One of them you do become.
Your wiles and deceit;
bold and beguiling. Unmistakably,
A fake.

我突然失怀的笑笑声盘旋半山腰
随风在飘摇啊摇来到你的面前绕
‘断了的县’[寻找周杰伦-EP]

Healing potion

2004-11-24T23:05:00.000+08:00

Well well heartaches and more heartaches. Hey ger if you're readin' this don't think abt it too much ok (yea I'm referring to you, don't try to look away. Haha).
My self-concocted brew to comfort you a little, so drink up... a customised poem for you! Honoured right... I don't simply compose poetry for any Tom Dick Harry you know. =P

So what if your heart aches,
so what if your world dims,
at least there's still
the existence of chocolate cakes
and vanilla ice-creams.

So what if you're helpless,
so what if you're anguished,
at least you know
you have that cute dress,
just like you've always wished.

So what if you break down,
so what if you feel silly,
at least there's always
your bestest budds around,
take for instance me! ;)

Ok quite shaky, but my point is, cheer up! ^^

趁时间没发觉让我带着你离开
没有了证明没有了空虚。。。
‘分裂’[八度空间]

Sleepless

2004-11-23T01:02:00.000+08:00

I'm so very confused now. Yikes! And I'd thought I was over that pahse. Arh!! =(

无所谓反正难过就敷衍走一回
但愿绝望和无奈远走高飞。。。
‘世界末日’[反特西-EP]

Hibernation

2004-11-22T13:13:00.000+08:00

I'm hibernating
in the waters, under the rocks,
in your face. Don't I see those eyes
of yearning, of plea and guilt
turn to hardened acceptance
of winter's eternal touch?
You implore the Sun, wishing it
to grant life again, to decry the cold.
And the hibernating me was almost awakened,
but you had to smote me to my ruin
by the riverside, by the mountainside.
Now there lies a vengence
burning as you stoke it,
burning as you stoke it...

Coldplay

2004-11-22T11:10:00.000+08:00

Coldplay simply rawks.

I can't believe it... that stoopid idiot! !@#$%^&* Who does he think he is anyway snubbing me like that. UrghZ!!! Feel like strangling him. I shall NOT talk to him for a very very long time. Ha!

装满了明信片的铁盒里
藏着一片玫瑰花瓣。。。
‘上海1943’ [范特西]

idol-syncrasies!

2004-11-20T22:04:00.000+08:00

I'm melting with every one of Sly's smiles! <3 His emergence as one of the final two came as a surprise... but I'm definitely not complaining! Haha. Part of his charm can be attributed to the fact that he has a punk rocker image (like Avril Lavgine), but a very very huge part of it is due to his dimpled smile. Argh!! =D Anyway today we went to do CIP at city hall. Managed to sell those intricate butterflies quite quickly. In fact, we didn't even get to max out our supposed 5 hrs, before those butterflies were 'sold out'. But SY did help me sell some of them. Thanks, ger! ;) Got back home all tired and fell asleep on the sofa immediately. Hahha. And my two bros got home safe and sound from their moutain trek. According to them, their training here in S'pore's very own Bt Timah Hill was tons more taxing than the actual climb at Mt Ophir. Whao. So it wasn't as exciting as I'd imagined. =P

A week to Jay's Nov 27th concert! *screams*
静静悄悄默默离开
陷入了危险边缘
我的世界以狂风暴雨
‘龙卷风’[Jay]

Shark Tail

2004-11-18T23:36:00.000+08:00

Caught the movie [Shark Tale] today. We stumbled into the wrong theatre at the start, then realised somthing was amiss when our seats were taken up by people. And something was definitely wrong when the movie [Taxi] came on, and YT asked another person which theatre this was. When he replied 3, we fled. Blimey. We were supposed to be in 4! Anyway we were lucky the movie hadn't started yet. Phew.

The show's pretty funny. There's this scene where the shark Frankie was gonna die, and he told his brother Lenny that 'I'm cold.' Lenny the dumb-bell replied in a way airheads reply 'Yea, that's 'cos we're cold blooded.' Yep so there were lotsa lAme gags like these... in other words, I deem it quite watchable. Hahaha.

HmmZ my home's experiencing a rare state of tranquility. 'Cos two of my 'lil bros have gone trekking on Mt. Ophir with the NPCC. I dunno about my parents but I'll definitely relish the peace and quiet around here, while it lasts. BleahZ. And my lucky eldest younger (confused?) bro'll have it easy after tomorrow when his O levels end. Oh well. He'll sprout those wings (adapted from Louis' analogy ;) ) of liberty, only to have them painfully removed when he braces himself for the rat race otherwise known as the A levels. *Shudders* As the saying goes, we've 'been there, done that.' HaiZ. Another agonising year ( less, actually) to go before the real thing.

Run for your lives!
For the Destroyer is coming.
No warning will It give,
while It sets you a-blazing,
till you're so very beaten
and have utterly forgotten
the taste of freedom,
and the sound of wisdom...

Guitars Galore...

2004-11-16T11:52:00.000+08:00

Hoho I've tried playing the chords for 晴天 on the guitar... not bad I must say, sounds pretty much like the original! At least now I know my guitar lessons are paying off. =P But I'm still abit retarded when it comes to changing chords; fingers can't move fast enough. Argh.

Anyway I'm contented enough. Have always yearned to be able to strum along to songs. I just need more practise...
Guitar lessons later on, it's lunch time now! =D

EscapE!

2004-11-14T21:37:00.000+08:00

Woke up today at an ungodly hour (waking up at 8+am during the hols is torture... =P), then headed towards Pasir Ris with Patz and LY, where we met YZ! The trio haven't changed a bit since our 04S1 days back in JJ. Haha. We went on some of the rides in the Escape theme park... and I was surprised I could overcome my trepidation for some of them, which can be attributed to YZ's superb persuasion skills. She practically dragged me to the 'Rainbow' ride. HaZ.
We went on the Pirate Ship thrice, and screamed like there's no tomorrow. Even had the guts to take the very last row there... and we got addicted to the thrill. What can I say... cheap thrills (admission tics were rather cheap; we had discount coupons) definitely work for people like us who have been deprived of fun for so long. Hahha.
We got on the Go-Kart too and I got to drive! Not bad... I could drive, albeit recklessly and the poor operator had to 'siam' when I almost swerved the kart into her. Hahha was laughing all the way... I reckon I'll have a loooong way to go before I can obtain a driver's licence. =P
Yep and Patz suggested going on the 'Choo Choo Train' ride. A kiddie ride. The train compartment was so small we almost couldn't squeeze into it but still we managed to. Took some pics inside too.
Oh yea I almost forgot that humongous cotton candy that we bought. It was definitely larger than a human head. We were joking about how we'd have nightmares of Pink after that, and it was sooo sugary we were worried we'd contract diabetes thereafter. Hahha.

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We got on the Ferris Wheel and the family roller coaster too. Got on the latter four times. There was even this old granny who was game enough to try the ride. You go, granny!! =D

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After that we went to Pasir Ris shopping centre to have lunch, then it was Bugis and window-shopping around. Was very tired and we kept trying to find places to sit. Bought brownies! Those sinful but yummy-licious treats. Chocolatey-indulgence! <3

All in all it was a fun day. But I'm very bushed right now. I'm off to eat my supper, then sleep like a log. Hehhe.. ^^

-___-'''

2004-11-13T22:29:00.000+08:00

Hmm recieved flak + compliments about my new hairstyle. People, I like it ok so who cares what YOU think anyway.

Blah blah blah... me's totally incoherent now. I'm bushed with a capital B, still very much Orange, and Restless, plus Erratic and Disillusioned. Heh notice that spelt BORED. Wow I'm so bored I could come up with something so completely irrelevant. But not exactly though. Right. Dunno what I'm rambling on and on about. *tears hair out* Wait I cannot. I've just had it cut. Ha-ha-ha-ha. -__-'''

You left me there
out in the sun
right in the snow
And what was that supposed to show,
that you could shoulder any blow?
You didn't take me along
upwards to your heaven
downwards to your haven
Pray, was I so very blind
to have been disillusioned
by your fairytale?
I didn't believe so.
Because I followed wherever you went
Because I tried to put out the sun
and thaw out the snow.
Is it working
Who am I kidding?
That's easy.
Because in the end
I'm fooling me.

Acidity test

2004-11-10T23:14:00.000+08:00

The icky spot under my eyelid's growing larger by the day. Doesn't look like it'd subside anytime soon, during which I must live through queries by the curious, some of whom are convinced I must have seen something 'unclean'. Sigh.

Anyways my brother got ill too, no thanks to yours truly. And the worst thing is he's having his O levels now. In fact it's the Bio paper today, and fortunately he eased my guilt a little by recovering just in time for the paper. Atta boy! Hehe.

As we all know today's the last day we'll have anything to do with PW at all. Right. So everything went on fine and dandy, until I recieved a call from my agitated leader after the MOE-stipulated 11 am that something's wrong with the GPF. Ok, so I made my way to the gallery and there brewed a storm not to be easily quelled (metaphorically, but literally too 'cos it was raining...). Turned out we got the pagination wrong and had to redo everything. H's face was black as thunder, and it wasn't later that I found out he got a dressing down by Mr Ho. Fine. So we handed in the revised version, and it was sent back again. By this time the mood was very grave. H took to muttering spiteful remarks, and of course I wasn't too happy either. He practically unleashed his displeasure upon us, like it was our fault. I decided to ignore him and get on with the stoopid and cumbersome pagination. Our very last meeting ended on such a sour note, I think it'd have registered pH 0.00000001 on the indicators. (Laaaaaamme)

HaiZ. But just now he did msg me to apologise, and offered to call too... He's still a great friend anyway.
Yikes. I'm soooooooo glad PW's over.
Think I'll turn in now. Eyes can hardly be kept open...

My sickly self

2004-11-03T11:13:00.000+08:00

The past two days were horrible to say the least. Woke up on Monday with a sore throat and a slight fever, then it ballooned into something bigger; my temperature kept scaling new heights and the last time I checked when I was almost delirious, it reached 39.3 deg. Subsequently it dropped a little, but not much. Was bedridden most of the time. And was I in agony. It'd be completely alright if not for the impending PW OP which was supposed to take place yesterday. Now everyone (except for my group) in class had gone through it... and I'm still awaiting doomsday. Oh joy. But as Reubs and DC said, this might be a blessing in disguise. (I don't see how, 'cos we'll be presenting in front of complete strangers, which might quadruple my stage fright. HaiZ.)

Am still quite wobbly on my feet now, though the fever's gone. Appetite's horrible, and I can't seem to stand upright for even a few seconds without feeling giddy. The last time a fever this bad happened, it was right before Jay's concert last year. Hmm that was much worse becuase it raged for 3 days straight (teethered dangerously near 40 deg). I was praying fervently for me to get well in time so that I could attend his concert. And I did. Haha. This time round I'm praying fervently for myself to survive Chinese and PW.

Ah well. Time for some chinese revision...

SA Open House

2004-10-24T10:45:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was... (can't find a word for it so I shall try several) busy, fun, dull, exciting, monotonous, atrocious, demoralising and wild all rolled into one.

Busy: We had to carry instruments and the likes to the hall, and back again. Had to entertain+humour+coax people to join (and we got duped in the process too. By J2 councilors. The NERVE of them. Grr...) both at the booth and in the CO room. Then my good ol' brother came and I showed him and his friends around. And of course I got my shoe bag, by courtesy of my brother. Hahha.

Fun: Basically this constituted very little of my day. Aside from the fact that I derived some satisfaction from stomping on the B**d stickers, and crapping around with the rest, and voyeuring the campus to get a feel of THE open house mood, 'fun' wasn't really in my dictionary.

Dull/ monotonous: Zipping to and fro the hall and the CO room.

Exciting: My first SA open house, with me actually being a student here. I could still remember when I came last year; I was like a wide-eyed doe. Everything was new to me, and the place was bustling. To think that one year later I'd be part of preparing for the open house. Kinda unbelievable. And of course, to be able to 'strut your stuff' in front of the sec 4 kiddies in your SA shirt; with pride... (though I don't look exactly stunning in my baggy polo shirt =P ) Now that's cool. Haha.

Demoralising: the afore mentioned B**d. And D***e. The whole 'black banner affair', basically. Argh.

Wild: Need I say more? Alison rawked the whole house! The crowd was hollering away, including me. ;)

Atrocious: Now this really put me off. Was happily playing spectator during the mass dance when a plastic rose popped in front of me. No prizes for guessing who that moron was. Urgh. 'Nuff said. Also, moron no. 2 (for which to date I've not ascertained his/her identity) put sy's, xl's and my name down on the guitar ensemble sheet when we have no prior experience, and on which the saboteur proclaimed that we had 'lots and lots of it'. Argh^2.

Disclaimer: the above mentioned emotions might be conflicting. But realise that the author contradicts herself more often than not...

Haemorrhag[ed]

2004-10-19T22:50:00.000+08:00

Notice the 'ED' on my haemorrhage. Means it's over and done with. OVER AND DONE WITH!

Anyway hey Sookee and XL, if you're reading this, then I'll have to say you both are great friends. Sorry for being such a loser (hmm I think you guys have seen me at one of my worst) and I really appreciated your concern. Yah lah, both of you are the coolest gifts Life has decided to bestow upon me... (I think I can imagine your smug faces now =P ) Kudos, girls. ^^

Sunday Afternoon

2004-10-17T13:46:00.000+08:00

Weary of myself, and sick of asking
What I am, and what I ought to be,
At the vessel's prow I stand, which bears me
Forwards, forwards, o'er the starlit sea.
Matthew Arnold, 'Self-Dependence' (1854)

Gibberish

2004-10-15T23:37:00.000+08:00

Jerry got booted out finally
and Sylvester remained!
That kinda lifted my mood really
from the dismal results obtained.

It just isn't the same anymore
with things all awry like that;
maybe it's just a warped lore
that on certain days I'm squashed flat.

Cinderella has Fairy Godmother
but pray, what have I?
Three pesky lil' brothers
and a perpetual sigh.

It's this angsty Sprite in me
stirring up these woes.
It taunts in unabashed glee
until I deem myself my foe.

What would cheer me up I think
would be my memories dispelled.
The Sprite now offers a mysterious wink
and says 'yes, it might all turn out well.'

I will myself to believe in that,
for salvation never seemed so near.
So entangled in this messy net
I work to dispel my fear.

It's achievable, I believe.
Because the point is to forget,
and to cast aside and leave.
Alas, the inability to love will be my only real regret.

...

2004-10-14T22:57:00.000+08:00

I feel I'm so Stupid I might drop dead from Stupidity anytime.

='(

The Bomb

2004-10-14T13:40:00.000+08:00

Right. There is NO DENYING that I'm seriously INADEQUATE in the BRAINS department. Darn. Told myself not to care too much about my results (but then again that's just silly; who wouldn't care?!) but when Math lect came and solutions were flashed, I reverted to agonising. Argh. I don't ask for much, just an AO pass. Yep, just an AO pass, please?! And then there's the issue of getting promoted. Argh. Argh. Argh.
I'm composing this in the sch library. Afterwards it's Bio lect and I reckon I'll be dealt yet another blow. Oh well. =(

Bleah ll

2004-10-09T23:38:00.000+08:00

Update on yesterday. So basically LM and I, we caught 'The Terminal' at cineleisure. Some parts had me in stitches so serious I was in tears and snortling away with total disregard for my poise/decorum/ettiquette or what have you. =P A feel-good movie, posseses mass appeal, but generally too fictitious. Then we proceeded to take neo-prints. First at cineleisure then at the Heeren. I busted 9 dollars on those alone. Yikes. I can't believe that girl, she's a complete nutcase when it comes to neo-prints! Haha. Saw CW and gang. Apparently they were having their pics taken too. Went around Taka browsing around. So that's all in a nutshell, in all a relaxing day.

Then today during CO prac the conductor wanted me to play the Ban Hu. It went like this. When M offered me the Hu I vehemently declined, 'cos I've never ever touched it before, let alone played it. He then contrived to offer the instrument to others around him (it was all very well in vain =P) when the conductor intervened. He pointed to moi, and presto, I get to play it. Sigh. Which is all very well unless you consider how the Ban Hu has solo parts in the piece. And in SYF competitions, soloists either make or break the fate of the whole orchestra. Am I making a mountain out of a molehill? .... I pretty much think so. Bleah. Anyway yep I keep telling myself I CAN do this, but then the Hu screeches unyieldingly when my turn comes and I go 'but then again maybe not'. Argh. And of course it followed me home at the end of the prac. I'm determined to overcome the Ban Hu, not vice versa.

Fiddled with my instrument for a while (with my poor family enduring it), then took a very loooooooong nap. Haha. What a lazy day...

Argh

2004-10-07T11:33:00.000+08:00

Beating my wings, all ways, within your cage,
I flutter, but not out.
C.S Lewis

Day one of utter freedom. And the worst thing that can happen when you think you're free is to feel strangely empty inside. That's how I'm feeling now. Am alone at home with the music blasting from the comp. Kinda fills up that empty space in here. Sigh. Miss my brother when he was sick; at least there was someone watching Sesame Street with me. (Yep, a 16 and 17 yr old cracking up hysterically at the antics of Elmo and gang. Ha) Guess I'll just have to put up with things till tomorrow, when I'm gonna shop till I literally drop. Can't wait.

Long-awaited Liberation

2004-10-06T23:44:00.000+08:00

Yes I've learnt
that to really yearn
is to bring yourself pain.
So I've decided to refrain
from all things hurtful,
by first admitting that I'm the fool,
and then to take it in my stride,
by putting aside all my pride
... till I think I'm ready to face
Myself; the one fallen from grace.
I'll live.

Yay, this day heralds my long-awaited liberation. I've acutally survived the promos. Wow. Haha didn't know I was capable of such a feat. Anyways yep, I'm FREE as a lark! =D

So mi parents and I went to the Pan Pacific Hotel for this buffet dinner and the place was rather desolate. As in, only a few people were there and there was this lethargic feel about the place, though the decor and all were sophisticated. The food spread was passable (too few varieties to choose from, if you ask me =P) but what I really enjoyed was the music playing from downstairs. There's this lounge where people sit and drink, and a singer belted out song after jazzy song with live accompaniment from the piano. Very classy and relaxing. So basically I contended with listening to the numbers, what with the dismal array of food.

After that mi dad suggested going all the way up to the 37th floor by way of the glass elevator which 'showcases' the city skyline through its panes. First time up in that elevator (yah, very sua ku right) and the view was great. 37 storeys isn't all that high up, and I think the view'd be much better way up higher. But the way I feel all fluttery and excited inside more than made up for that. Hahha. We took the 'ride' twice. Yep up and down, then up and down again. Wahahaha.

Now that promos is over, there's a sudden void. Like, a path ain't clearly mapped out for you and you're left wondering what's next. Oh well I know what's next, PW.... ugh. Right. And my John Fowles novel, my Hikaru No Go VCD, Jay's lyrics, shopping *blah blah blah*. Ha. The list never ends. Wait I think I see my path after all. =P

Burned up/out/thorugh

2004-10-03T23:50:00.000+08:00

I'm tired
of Mooncakes,
of Crying,
of Heartaches,
of Studying,
of Charity Shows,
of Fretting,
of Dominoes,
of Agonising,
of Noises,
of Mulling,
of Voices,
of Procrastinating,
of Melancholia,
of Lamenting,
of the Sigma,
of Wasting,
of Myself.

shrug

2004-10-01T17:00:00.000+08:00

五月天 [纯真]
在无声之中你拉起了我的手
我怎么感觉整个黑夜在震动
耳朵里我听到了心跳的节奏
星星在闪烁你会怎么说。。。

你已经有她就不应该再有我
世界的纯真此刻为你有迷惑
我想我应该轻轻放开你的手

我却没有力气这么做

...Used to be my fave song and I believe I've quite forgotten how teary it makes me feel, till I heard it again today in Fish's latest album. She carries it off very nicely with her bitter-sweet vocals. And yes, the wonders songs can do to rake up the past. Ah well.

Exploding

2004-09-21T16:05:00.000+08:00

Well belive it or not I've only just came back from sch, and I'm sitting in front of the com still clad in my uniform. It's just that I'm brimming with so many thoughts I think I might very well explode with them, and the surest way to prevent that ( and to preseve my sanity) is to 'pen' this down.

Today during PW I had a sobering session. Nope it had nothing to do with the formal conference at all, but with what H. shared with us. Can't divulge much here, but it turned out he had a past which we wouldn't have otherwise known about at all. He's changed, from the past to now (in a very postive way) and it wasn't until today that I saw him in a very different light. Sure, he'd exuded a kind of devil-may-care attitude before (I still wonder how he got into council) and fooled around in class, but behind it all lies this seriousness. I think it weighs heavily on him, and it still does. Nothing too dire here, but I think it's taken some good courage for him to finally be enlightened, and in the process find himself. He'd foresaken his dreams to conform to what is expected of him... and I wonder if he's considered foolish or wise.

Which makes me reflect. What are we doing all this for anyway? By all this, I mean the incessant mugging, the donning of that mask (mind you don't suffocate yourself. To death) to please people around you, the persual of that unreachable (and most likely hurtful, if you'll ever snag it) desire and most importantly having that instinctive craze of emerging tops in whatever you attempt. The purpose of it all... sometimes we lose the essence of it; the essence of enjoying whatever you do, in however way you like it. Sometimes our vision gets all fogged up, and we're left blaming the whole world for our own demise, when in actual fact we've forgotten that it was our own folly that's blinded us, that's impeded our steps. Sometimes we think it's no use at all, nothing's going to help, we'll forever be trapped in that dark abyss, but have you even tried venturing out of it? Sometimes you just wished the sky would fall and smother you, but wouldn't the clouds cease to enchant you then, and wouldn't the rainbows have no canvass to paint their beautiful selves on? Sigh. It's paradoxical, and I don't think I'll ever understand the meaning to this game called Life...

I often think of myself as this weakling, not daring to venture out of my comfort zone. And indeed my zone is comforting, with all the familiar faces and goings-on. I wonder if a drastic change would occur to all that (I do abhor the word change and all that it entails) and if so, how artfully I'd emerge from my comfy shell. I wonder. I wonder alot. Too much, but unfortunately there are too few answers to fufill my queries. If there are any at all.

Goodness knows what's gotten into me today. Must be the darkened skies (I always feel melancholic when it turns a darker shade of grey) and the rain. And promos! Ugh.
Anyways I'm really glad I've spilt all of this out. Am feeling much better. If you've sat through this far at all, thanks for 'hearing' me out! Haha.

countdown to birthday: 5 days

Jittery

2004-09-13T22:58:00.000+08:00

I'm
Like an ant on a frying pan
too frenzied and flustered.
Like ice on the burning sand
too scorched; and melted.
Like raindrops on the window pane
too slippery; and fell.
Like a flea in the lion's mane
too entangled; and yelled.

Silly poem. Ugh. I'm having a serious bout of 'Pre-promos' jitters. There's so much to accomplish in so little time! This is scareeeeeeeee. Hope I'll tide through this safe and sound... Hmm not hope. WILL. Ha.

The Night Has a Thousand Eyes

2004-09-09T15:31:00.000+08:00

The Night Has a Thousand Eyes
by Francis William Bourdillon

The night has a thousand eyes,
And the day but one;
Yet the light of the bright world dies
With the dying sun.

The mind has a thousand eyes,
And the heart but one;
Yet the light of a whole life dies
When love is done.

One of the simpler poems I've come across. Simple yet rings true.

ArghZ I should be hitting the books now...

d.r.e.a.r.y

2004-09-05T14:24:00.000+08:00

The dreary day got to me,
with droopy clouds and a drizzling rain
and so I was sad to see
the rays of the sun as it wanes.
The birds chirrup away,
in sudden bursts of noises
willing Cheer to come out and play.
But it has disintegrated, into mere nothingness.
Then the cars zoomed this way and that,
mindless in a never-ending race;
competing at the drop of a hat
to emerge winner in contrived Grace.
And it is just as well
that I'm smothered by Boredom,
because I just cannot tell
the difference between reality and my kingdom.

Looney TUnes

2004-09-04T01:22:00.000+08:00

Got my mp3 player today, and it rawks. Totally, 'cos it's in a silvery blue colour and looks oh-so-stylish. Haha. (ok SY and XL I know you girls are prolly rolling your eyes away now 'cos you own one too. =P)

And so I loaded songs into it (we can't let 512MB of space to go to waste can we. Bleah.) then realised some songs which I'd chosen to load meant alot to me, in the past. They were not very current ones, but they churned out lots of memories when I listened to them. I think the song which really triggered this was Tori Amos' 'Silent All these Years', but mine was the cover version by YanZi. Depressing song no doubt, (I realise most of my fav. songs are depressing anyway =P) and in my sec sch days I listened to it over and over, 'cos it connected. With moi very very despondent outlook on Life. I pretty much think I suffered from mild depression in sec sch (serious)... dunno what happened but it was like I hit rock bottom, and stayed there for quite a while. Of course something happened which bouyed me up but that's another story...

Why am I rambling on and on anyways. Bleahs. Lets see if I can still remember the lyrics to 'Silent'. Here's the chorus.

Years go by will I still be waiting
for somebody else to understand
Years go by if I'm stripped to my beauty
and the orange clouds rainin' in my head

Years go by will I choke on my tears
till finally there is nothin' left
One more casualty you know
we're too easy easy easy

Hmm hope I did justice to the song by getting the lyrics correct. Brilliant lyrics they are. Melancholic. Orange clouds, whao. =)

.Fire.Works.

2004-09-02T23:25:00.000+08:00

Mutli-coloured sparklers,
they lit up my sky.
Radiant and magnificent,
they swallowed the dark.

The dark turned to light,
but only for an instant.
For all things shall fade,
the fireworks too.

Saw the fireworks put up by the Chinese garden just opposite my home a lil' earlier. Lucky us, we get to view them everytime the Mooncake Festival draws near. They were pretty, but no doubt smaller in scale as compared to the NDP types. The most magnificent (live) I've seen remains the one displayed during the official opening of the Esplanade. Beauuutiful. =)

Anyways I have to say Chris Lee from S'pore Idol is very very drool-worthy. Haha. His smile alone is enough to win our votes, hands down. *swoooooons* =P

Saw this quote on TV today, which I immediately took a huge liking to:
'Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take
but by the moments that take your breath away'
What can I say... it took my breath away. ^_^

Bleah

2004-09-01T23:20:00.000+08:00

Right. So yesterday was the eve of Teachers' Day, and like everyboday else I returned to my sec sch. Saw Miss Chua outside the hall and when she saw me in my stickman tee she went "Oh you're a saint!", then grabbed my hand and shook it somewhat vigorously. Ha. Some things never change. Miss Chua's eccentricity and zanny-ness sure don't. She still remembered I said I wanted to get into SAJC. Ahh those were the days, when playing Scrabble was all I was caught up with. Miss Chua was there to provide comic relief, but unfortunately we didn't emerge top ten in the grand finals. Oh well.

The concert was pretty interesting. There was the Fuhua Idol competition then the teachers got up and sang. Not bad, our teachers can sing. Surprising. =) But we left halfway through the concert, 'cos we were heading for Kbox.

Got my lunch at Long John's, to be smuggled into Kbox. Then saw KS (yeap XL, your KS =P)and his gang of friends. He didn't hear me when I first called him (we were standing in line at the counter) and his friends had to help me alert him. Was pretty surprised when he saw me, then he peeked over and searched the radius, for any signs of XL I reckon, and that was when I told him not to bother 'cos she wasn't with me. Hmm. Then his (moronic) friends conversed amongst themselves in not-very-hushed whispers, and I think they're mistaking me for KS's girlfriend. They were giggling away (guys, giggling... gaawd), but I think KS cleared the air about the gf part. Then he blurted out without even attempting to be discrete "You want to know her name?", and his friend was like, "Shh! Not so loud!". Hmm. Their mutterings went on for some time and his friend did turn around to apologise. KS asked if I was offended too but I said no. Hmm. Interesting people. The likes from NJ and HC no doubt. Double hmm... ^_^''

Anyway I got my food and proceeded to scream my lungs out at Kbox. It's been a long time since I've done that, and it provided great release. Always choose songs which enable you to screech like anything, they're the most fulfilling. My chums were all yelling along too. Hahha... some vocal prowess we possessed. Sang for over 5 hours, and it was fantastic.

And so hmm nothing much happened today. And it's kinda late now so I'd better go to sleep. =P

Zoom

2004-08-28T00:01:00.000+08:00

I realise everything's flashing past me, and it's like the moment I have recovered from whatever trauma or delight thrown at me, the next one comes along and I'll have to deal with it, all over again. And the prospect of the looming promos isn't helping matters, much less my lack of revision either. ArghZ. Just when did Life get so unmanageable? 'Twas just a year ago I took eveything in my stride, took the world for granted, took the people in it to be fools (me included, and I still do). But then again it was also just a year ago I didn't know the existence of PW, the promos and the true meaning of the word stress. Fatigue is taking its toll on me, and I dislike that. Sigh.

Had a really loooooong chat with J. on the bus ride home today. Haven't really caught up with him since... since I dunno when. He's definitely subdued; he doesn't have an ego the size of a dinosaur's egg anymore (is that big enough..?). Maybe that's what Council does to you. You realise you're not the only person reigning supreme in this world (in other words, there are people tons better than you are). And so. I felt it was a lil' pitiful, beacause around the old J., you could feel the vibes about him. An unfathomable force of energy rebounds in him, eager to be unleashed. Maybe I'm exaggerating a little here, but it's the truth that he's indeed mellowed down now.

So we talked about our sec sch mates, and everything pertaining to it. Reminiscing about my life in Fuhua, I realise time flies. No it really does. Like, the four years have come and gone and poof, I'm in JC now (unfortunately that doesn't translate into some tasty coco crunch. Ah well). Then of course the subject of the promos was broached, and I did drill some stuff into his head. He really needs to buck up, what with his abysmal results obtained in the CT. I realise we're in this together, and the thought of a fellow Fuhua-ian taking the same route alongside you is surprisingly consoling. Nothing beats familiarity I think. No matter how many new friends you've got, how many new bonds you've forged, you're more comfy falling back on the old ones.

Oh well. J.'s a really nice friend to talk to. Had numerous blab sessions with him back in sec sch, and they had proven fulfilling. Ditto today. Cheers to our friendship. =)

Me and My Wishlist

2004-08-26T22:13:00.000+08:00

I wish
for the world to be at peace,
for all strife and contempt
to go with the breeze.

I wish
for the stars to shine,
for all my hopes
to join them entwined.

I wish
for the flowers to bloom,
for my agony dispelled
along with all my gloom.

I wish
for the clouds to tear,
for all the rain there is
to wash away my fears.

I wish
for the rainbow's radiance,
for its wonderous colours
to soften my defiance.

I wish
for the simplicity of Love,
for the brush with happiness
to fit me like a glove.

I wish
for all the intangibles,
for all the dreams and faith
to be made achievable.

I wish.

Today's exactly a month to my birthday, so I thought I'd do up something in relation to wishes... so now you people know what to get me. Sigh. -__-